Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
