i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
