I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
