chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Are we still banned from the library?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize