I cockslap morals
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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