I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize