I skipped work to stalk him.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
