I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
