i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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