Barsexuality is the new black.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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