Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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