if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
