I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
