haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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