Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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