Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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