Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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