i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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