that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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