Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
