omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
