Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
