Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
