remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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