I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
