A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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