Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
