my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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