her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm too high and old for this...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
