1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize