Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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