I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
