It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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