i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
