im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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