I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
