I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
