Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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