He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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