I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
