Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
40s are totally the cure
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
