i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
