he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
