Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize