I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
