Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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