that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
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