I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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