Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
