Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
