marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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