Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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