Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
