Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
