Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
