Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We left the knife in your bed.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
