We're like a lot better than the average bears
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
