ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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