Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
